Sunday, June 5, 2011

In Which I Have a Whole Post Devoted to Threatening a Bug. Because They Can Read and Stuff.

To the mystery bug who bit me in my sleep: I will hunt you down and I will kill you. 

Seriously, this bug is out to get me.  The bites are not just in any ol' spot.  No, I have two bites on one of my elbows.  Awkward.  The other is on the back of my ankle.  They are extremely itchy, which means the one on the back of my ankle is irritated by my shoes every time I take a step.  Perfect!

To make matters worse, I woke up with them.  Which means this evil thing bit me in my sleep.  Last night, I got into bed in a state of paranoia.  Is something crawling on me??  I'm a big fan of sleep and I use to like my bed.  Thanks, Bug, for ruining it for me last night.  You are evil and must die! 

I'm using this amazing chinese herb oil that we bought in Thailand.  That stuff is a cure all for everything.  Have an itch?  Rub this on it.  Headache?  Rub this on your temples.  Stomache ache?  Fall out of a moving vehicle?  Take a bath in this stuff.  You'll be good as new.  With these bites, I've been putting it on like a fiend.  If one could become addicted to Thai miracle oil, I would need to be put into rehab already.  It's getting down to it's last drops and I don't know what I will do, probably get all shaky and start hallucinating or just be super itchy. 

Let this be a fair warning to you, my dear friend, to watch your back, because it's on like Donkey Kong. 

I really hate you right now!  Still talking to the bug.

4 comments:

Penny said...

i laughed a lot with your bug rage ;)
i hate mosquitoes- i can even sleep in the tub and leave my room to them if i m woken up by their sound!

lady lyles said...

I died laughing reading this... I was house sitting for the past two months in the creepiest house ever. (something I couldn't write on my blog...) one of my most recent posts is about all of the random things i found living there or at least trying to... but i didn't even mention the bugs! 1. don't even get me started. 2. good luck

Taylor said...

Penny -- seriously! And the mosquito buzzing in your ear! Worse noise ever.

Lady -- Bugs are not my friend. Also, how could you stand staying in such a creepy house? Makes for good stories later!

Jenni Austria Germany said...

bugs are really the main reason why i think girls should have a boyfriend/husband. love is also important. but bugs are the #1.

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